Proximity
by Lavenderangel
Summary: "I said I didn't need you." "And I certainly proved you wrong." Tamers missing moment.


Author's notes: I recently watched Tamer's for the first time, and Renamon and Rika's relationship fascinated me. I think the show did a good job a conveying their gradual understanding of one another, but I would have still liked another discussion between them particularly before Renamon evolved to ultimate. Therefor, this fic takes place somewhere between episodes 12 and 18, but probably before their energy drink scene.

I didn't realize what a cliched premise this fic has until I bothered to investigate what other fics were posted about these two, but I hope this is still enjoyable and in character. I used dub names, just because it's what I was more familiar with (although if you can, I highly recommend finding raw episodes, Renamon's original voice actress is great).

XXX

She wasn't sure what unnerved her more, the overwhelming cold, or the desolate quiet. Rika lay splayed on her back, surrounded by ice. The cold seeped into her skin, burrowing through her bones and stealing her breath. She tried to fight against it, but it's affects were paralyzing.

"Choose me for your partner," demanded a booming voice that seemed to come from everywhere at once. "We are the same. What gives you the audacity to think you deserve better?" Rika wanted to counter that she and this voice were not the same at all, but she couldn't find the strength to open her mouth.

Renamon suddenly appeared in front of her, battling Harpymon on the frozen ground. Rika was still reduced to watching helplessly, but she was now slightly less frantic. She fought with renewed energy against the block of ice that seemed to encase her. She needed to help Renamon so things could be all right, so Rika could prove to everyone that she did deserve better. That she deserved **her**.

Without warning, Rika found herself racing over the frozen terrain toward the battling pair, a branch clenched in her fist.. But that was all right, because this was familiar . Rika knew how this would end.

Rika drove the stick down hard into Harpymon's back with grim determination, feeling the satisfying give of feathers and skin beneath her hand. Her opponent's resounding cry made Rika want to recoil, which wasn't right. She had done what she needed to do for Renamon, after all.

Then there was warm, sticky liquid coating her fingers, and the body seemed to go limp beneath her hands. Rika didn't remember this from the last time. She wasn't supposed to finish Harpymon off, Renamon was supposed to evolve.

Sudden pain lanced through Rika shoulder. The boys weren't here to warn her of an impending attack this time, but that shouldn't matter. How was Harpymon attacking, when Rika's hand was still driving a stick into her body?

Wincing, Rika looked down in time to see Renamon's heavy lidded eyes gazing sorrowfully up at her. Blood was all around the both of them, gushing from the wound that Rika herself had inflicted. Rika cried out in horror, her knees giving way and her flimsy fingers losing grip on the stick as she fell. How had she done this? A stupid stick couldn't inflict this much damage! Renamon let out a low moan as Rika jarred her further, the girl's knees throbbing as they made contact with the thick ice.

Above them, Harpymon screeched again, the sound high, like mocking laughter that chilled Rika more than the elements. Though she was clearly dying, Renamon's body did not fade away. Rika watched her twitch in pain, too numb to speak.

"Rika," Renamon's voice was breathy. "Save yourself…"

Rika's attempt at a response was drowned out by Harpymon's next shriek, the force of her accompanying attack sending Rika sprawling forward on top of her fallen digimon. Once again, Rika was unable to move, held in place by an invisible force against blood spattered fur.

Renamon hissed her name mournfully through labored breathing. "I am sorry."

Rika felt the exhale from each word brush over her cheek, and she shuddered, knowing that there would be no coming back from this. She had failed Renamon for the last time.

XXX

Gasping, Rika woke twisted in her blankets. She gulped in the wonderfully warm air of her bedroom, stumbling to her feet in clumsy desperation. It took her a full five minutes of scrubbing her hands to realize there had never been any actual blood.

Once back in her room, Rika briskly commanded herself to calm down. She changed her sweat soaked pajamas with shaking fingers, but her breathing would not steady. She sunk down to her futon, worried her knees would give out before she could reach it. She felt weak and lightheaded, and the sting of tears threatened at the back of her eyes.

rika dropped her face into her hands, angry with herself. It was a dream. Of course it was, just a stupid, childish dream. Renamon was fine. The temptation to call her climbed up her throat, burning like bile. Rika did not trust herself to open her mouth. If she did, she would cry, and she would not allow anymore weakness tonight.

She was being stupid, Rika knew. She had nothing to be ashamed of, because things with Renamon were all right now. Rika had expressed her feelings about their partnership the best she could, and her Digimon had accepted that. So what would have caused Rika to dream she had failed her?

Not that it mattered, of course. Rika was going to shake it off and go back to sleep. Renamon hadn't signed up to give her assurance, especially when there was physically nothing wrong. This was all Rika's own doing, so she was going to have no problem getting over it by herself. Traitorous tears began to drip between her fingers, and Rika bit her lip until she tasted the tang of her own blood.

Something shifted almost imperceptibly in the air, and Rika sensed she was no longer alone. Shame and pride kept her head lowered, even though she wanted nothing more than to look up.

Rika supposed Renamon had been watching her for quite sometime. Her Digimon would have known something was the matter long before physically materializing, but this gave her little comfort. How could Renamon truly be here, when Rika could still clearly feel her dying?

Rika gulped in a hitching breath, lifting her head just enough to get a glimpse of her partner. She only needed a brief look, Rika was certain. Just long enough to insure that Renamon was really alive. But then she was drinking her in, and rika could not imagine looking away, let alone asking her to leave.

"Renamon," She tried to say, but the word was barely above a whisper.

As though Rika speaking was the permission Renamon needed, she moved across the room in one fluid bound. The fox crouched low, close enough for Rika to reach out and touch, if only she were brave enough.

Renamon attempted to meet her gaze, but Rika averted her eyes. She threw out a shaking hand,, pressing her palm against Renamon's shoulder for the briefest of seconds. Her skin was warm, the fur unblemished. Rika choked on her relief.

"Rika, what is the matter?"

Rika sniffed, looking down at her fingers. Renamon sounded more perplexed than pitying, and Rika was thankful. "It's nothing. It's stupid."

"Anything that distresses you is certainly not stupid. And you are shaking."

"I-it's not important, Renamon. I didn't mean for you to see…"

"Rika, everything about you is important to me." She spoke with such intensity that Rika looked up reflexively, Renamon's eyes easily capturing her own. Her gaze conveyed all the emotion her voice lacked.

Rika was used to people trying to change her. Her mother yearned to mold her into a younger image of herself. Her grandmother expected Rika to be a person she did not know how to become. But Renamon was different. All Renamon asked of Rika was that she share herself. And really, what was the harm in that? Rika was having a hard time remembering, especially when Renamon was looking at her with such softness.

Rika forced herself to hold those penetrating deep blue eyes. "I thought I lost you," she managed, her words warped and rasping.

Surprised flicked across the fox's features, but her expression quickly became impassive again. "That would not happen."

"It almost has, twice now. And it's been my fault. I had a dream…" Rika faltered, bracing herself for recrimination that never came.

Rika rung her hands together, not knowing what to do next. She did not know how to articulate that the problem wasn't her dream at all, but her desperation to apologize. Her body quivered with the effort of swallowing back a sob. Abruptly, a paw closed around her hands, pulling them apart. Only when they were separated did Rika become aware of the ache in her fingers.

"Clearly, this is about more than just a dream." Rika could only nod miserably, Renamon gripping her fingers harder in response. "Try to calm down, rika. We will not be able to solve anything with you this upset."

Renamon fell silent, showing no sign of releasing her hand. Her paw was heavier than Rika remembered, and it seemed to spread warmth through her entire body. Slowly, Rika felt her breathing become more manageable. Renamon sat motionlessly in front of her, the fox's blue eyes never wavering from Rika's face..

"Better?" Renamon finally inquired, after what felt like hours. There was a dull ache in Rika's temples, and her skin felt like plaster from drying tears. But her heart rate had slowed, and her fingers were tingling pleasantly against the soft fur inclosing them.

Rika nodded, giving her a shaky half smile. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Renamon dropped her hand, and Rika had a brief twinge of panic that she was going to leave her now.

Instead, the fox moved to sit beside her on the futon. She met Rika's gaze again, holding it as she slowly reached a paw up, moving sticky hair off of her cheek. Rika tensed at such an intimate action, but stayed still. Renamon stroked fingers over her face a second time, before pulling back. Rika was now unsure whether the flush in her cheeks was from crying or embarrassment.

"You need to sleep," her Digimon said quietly. "But I sense you need to talk about this more.."

"I don't know how," Rika blurted. "I'm not used to…"

"I know," Renamon cut in. "And I am not asking you to do something you aren't comfortable with, Rika. This is completely your choice."

Rika inhaled shakily, wishing it was possible to breathe in courage. "I want… I'm scared," She blurted., surprising herself.

"I don't blame you. Fighting has not been easy of late."

Rika shook her head. "No, not of that. I'm scared that I'm not good enough for you."

Renamon's response was immediate. "That should never be your concern, rika." The sincerity in Renamon's voice was nothing to the depth of emotion in her eyes, and Rika had to look away.

"I haven't been a very good partner," she spat scornfully, the last word catching. Self recrimination was the only way she knew how to convey her regret. Renamon didn't dispute her words, and Rika felt sick. This was it. This was when she would leave her for good.

"You and I have always been unconventional, Renamon spoke finally. "I would not change that about you."

"I said I didn't need you," Rika countered.

Renamon's retort was dry. "And I certainly proved you wrong."

Rika was not accustomed to apologizing. Regret was like an insect that was easy to swat away, rarely coming back for a second attempt. Rika was discovering that it became far more persistent when driven by stronger emotions.

"I'm sorry" the words were foreign and heavy in her mouth, but their aftertaste was like honey. Firm fingers cupped her face, forcing Rika to regain eye contact. The digimon started to speak, then seemed to change her mind. Rika's eyes burned, but she did not allow herself to blink.

"Thank you."

The words hung in the air between them, Rika sagging against Renamon's side, throat thick. . An arm settled fiercely about the girl's shoulders., drawing her closer.

"I would not want you any other way, her partner promised, voice grave.

Rika wasn't sure how long they sat in that half embrace. By the time the sky was growing light, she could not imagine how she had ever been so afraid. Sitting here this close seemed to say more than either of their words had tonight, and a strange sense of exhausted contentment began to steal over her.

As one, Renamon rose, and Rika moved back under her blankets. Rika closed her eyes, not having to look to know Renamon was still above her.

"Thank you for coming tonight," she murmured.

Needlessly, renamon rearranged her blankets.


End file.
